The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) is an audiobook by Tiffany Hunt, narrated by Anthony Palmini and Rachel Leblang. The unabridged Audible edition runs 18 hrs 36 mins.
Publisher’s Summary
In this riotously funny dark romantasy, a conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realm’s most chaotic alliance.
“What’s mine, stays mine.”
Step One: Kidnap someone cute.
Step Two: Force her into marriage.
Step Three: Try not to get feelings.
When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets is a knife to the throat and a furious woman with her own terms. He may need her heroic bloodline to achieve ultimate dominion, but she’s not about to make this easy for him.
Arabella has already survived her father’s tower prison and a lifetime of being treated like property. Being abducted by the realm’s most notorious villain is just another Tuesday. If she must be married to the infuriating (and infuriatingly attractive) Dark Lord, she’ll do it on her terms: freedom within his fortress, hands strictly to himself, and complete honesty about his plans.
But when his plans go awry, Kazimir faces his most terrifying challenge yet. He must actually date his own wife. Between magical training sessions, playing golf with the eyeballs of his enemies, and aphrodisiac dinners gone spectacularly wrong, his villainous seduction plans are failing at every turn.
As they navigate magical explosions and jealous exes, they discover a far more terrifying prospect than war or magical catastrophe:
They might actually be falling for each other.
For fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier, this sexy fantasy romance is perfect for those who love: a morally gray antihero (who stays that way); a strong heroine who embraces her dark side (she doesn’t need rescuing, thanks); touch her and die; hilarious, wicked banter and sizzling spice; one bed/forced proximity; kidnapped bride/forced marriage; dark humor.
Audiobook Details
- Narrated by: Anthony Palmini and Rachel Leblang
- Length: 18 hrs 36 mins
- Publisher: Podium Audio
- Release year: 2026
- Audible category: Romance / Fantasy / Science Fiction & Fantasy
Listener Ratings
The Dark Lord’s Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes) holds an average listener rating of 4.4/5 from 753 Audible ratings.
On Audible, ratings for this title break down into narration performance and story separately:
- Performance (narration): 4.5/5
- Story: 4.4/5
- 5-star ratings: 57% of all ratings
What Audible Listeners Are Saying
5/5 stars — “Villain romance but make it chaotic, spicy, and unexpectedly soft 🖤✨”
I ATE. THIS. UP.Kazimir is the definition of morally gray “touch her and die” energy, but watching him go from world domination to trying to plan date night?? Peak entertainment. The contrast between his dark lord persona and his awkward, failing attempts at romance had me giggling the entire time.
And Arabella?? She is NOT the one. Strong, sharp, and fully in control of her situation even when she’s literally kidnapped. I loved that she embraced her darker side instead of being “saved.”
The banter? Elite.
The tension? Constant.
The chaos? Absolutely unmatched.It’s dark, it’s funny, it’s spicy, and somehow still soft underneath all the villainy. The chemistry between them genuinely crackles and turns into something deeper without losing that edge.
— Nara , Audible listener
5/5 stars — “A Villain, A Damsel and A Dragon?”
This was everything I love in a book. A morally grey MMC, a first FMC, powerful magic, slow burn romance, enemies to lovers, snarky funny commentary, a dragon! This is left on a cliffhanger but it’s not severely frustrating. I highly recommend this audiobook. Kudos to the narration.— Brooksie, Audible listener
3/5 stars — “3.5 stars”
“Step one: kidnap someone cute. Step two: force her into marriage. Step three: try not to catch feelings.” Honestly, that premise completely sold me.When the realm’s most notorious villain kidnaps Lady Arabella and forces her into marriage, he expects an obedient bride. Instead, he gets a strong-willed woman who’s more likely to threaten him with a knife than follow his orders. Throw in magical explosions, a morally gray Dark Lord, forced proximity, and plenty of opportunities for chaos, and this sounded like it was going to be an instant favorite for me.
As a huge fan of Assistant to the Villain, I expected this to deliver the same dark, humorous fantasy-romance vibe with a little more spice. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite hit the mark for me.
The banter between Kazimir and Arabella was definitely one of the strongest parts of the story, and there were some genuinely entertaining moments between them. The narration was also fantastic. Anthony Palmini and Rachel Leblang absolutely carried this audiobook and brought so much personality to both characters.
My biggest issue was the pacing. At 18 hours, this audiobook felt much longer than it needed to be. I found myself struggling with how repetitive the story became, and there were several points where it felt like the plot wasn’t moving forward. I also wanted more world-building and a much deeper explanation of the magic system because I was left with quite a few questions.
Overall, this was an entertaining audiobook with a great premise, excellent narrators, and a solid storyline. I just never connected with it the way I expected to, and it ultimately ended up being a middle-of-the-road read for me.
— Bookish_HollyJane, Audible listener
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